Palex the Musical
by blueskyhawk
Summary: I love Palex, and I love musicals - so I thought I'd take a chance and combine the two. This takes place right after Love is a Battlefield. If you hate musicals, this is probably not the fic for you.
1. Prologue

**Title**: Palex the Musical

**Author**: blueskyhawk

**Fandom**: Degrassi The Next Generation

**Pairing**: Paige and Alex (Palex)

**Rating**: T (PG)

**Spoilers**: Love is a Battlefield and anything prior to it.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of the characters from Degrassi, only the characters I have made up. I also do not own, nor did I write any of the songs contained in the fiction - I will list the titles and singers of each song I have used at the end of each scene/chapter. Please don't sue me, I have no money - I just love the songs, and the characters.

**Author's Notes**: This takes place right after Love is a Battlefield, and this story was inspired by the last song I will be using in the story. And yes, as the title implies, it is a musical - if you don't like musicals and/or two women in love (yes, with each other) please do not read any further. I happen to love both, and wanted to combine them.

Also, any sentences in italics are the inner thoughts of the characters, but not to be confused with the individual words in italics meant for inflection.

**Prologue**

"You're beggin' me to go  
You're makin' me stay  
Why do you hurt me so bad?  
Would it help me to go?  
Do I stand in your way?  
Or am I the best thing you've had?  
Believe me, believe me, I can't tell you why  
But I'm trapped by your love  
And I'm chained to your side"

Alex walked slowly through the first floor of the Toronto Coach Terminal, her belongings hanging heavy in the blue bag thrown over her shoulder as she made her way through the crowd. The depot was bustling with people from all walks of life, all with a purpose unknown to the rest, and all looking for where they needed to go for the bus that would take them to their destinations. Off to her left she spotted a sign for Kramden's Café creating a small growl in her stomach. _I guess I should pick up something to eat before I get on the bus even though I don't know how I could be hungry. I hurt so much inside it's making me feel sick_, Alex thought while she headed in the direction of the small restaurant.

She kept her head down, feeling defeated once again by heartache. Though she knew it wasn't at all logical, she felt as though everyone was watching her and able to see the humiliation and pain she was holding inside her. More than a few times she nearly ran face first into her fellow travelers, several telling her in no certain terms to watch where she was going. The bright lights of the terminal shone down on her like a spotlight, burning her shoulders as the radio overhead screeched at her with its mocking lyrics. Any time her eyes ventured up, it seemed as though time slowed down and everyone was staring point blank at her.

"Look at her, it's so obvious! She just got thrown out by her girlfriend!"

"What a loser!"

"Can't she get her act together, even for the girl she claims she loves?"

All those eyes! All those penetrating, judging eyes! Alex could hear their thoughts screaming at her, making fun of her. Mocking her.

"Attention, attention. The 1710 bus to Brantford will now be departing from Platform B, and if you look towards the center of the terminal you'll see a young woman who was just dumped by her girlfriend."

Alex looked in horror towards the booth that the announcement had just been made from. An older woman with graying hair and yellow teeth smirked back at her, "Yes sweetie, I'm talkin' 'bout you" she said while pointing a stubby finger towards her and throwing out a throaty laugh.

Feeling completely humiliated, the raven haired girl urgently pushed through the ever growing crowd trying desperately to reach the ticket office. She just wanted to get her ticket, and get out of town as quickly as possible.

"We're losing control  
Will you turn me away?  
Or touch me deep inside?  
And before this gets old, will it still feel the same?  
There's no way this will die  
But if we get much closer, I could lose control  
And if your heart surrenders  
You'll need me to hold"

She ran desperately down the hall, shoving people out of the way as she went, publicly fighting her inner war. _Pat Benatar was right_, Alex thought to herself, _love is a battlefield_.

**Song used in this scene**:

Love is a Battlefield recorded by Pat Benatar, written by Holly Knight and Mike Chapman


	2. Act I Scene 1

**Act I**

**Scene 1**

Alex's eyes snapped open. She couldn't believe she had nodded off in the bus terminal. Worn out as she may be, it wasn't exactly a relaxing atmosphere, and her dreams, or rather nightmares, provided no comfort. Neither did the neon lights blaring down, creating an unnatural tone to everyone's skin, her own looking a pale yellow usually reserved for the sick. She began to wonder if she was really awake this time, or if she was still trapped in a nightmare. A buzz overheard signaling that an announcement was about to be given made her steel herself against what might be coming, the cold words from her dream still echoing in her head. She closed her eyes, and hoped for the best.

"Bus 10 to Ajax will now be departing at Platform D on the west side of the terminal. Please have your tickets ready. Thank you."

Breathing out a huge sigh of relief she grabbed her bag, and slowly stood up while stretching out her stiff back. Her body felt heavy and uncoordinated as she made her way to the platform. Platform A, B, C and finally D. It seemed like a long walk, each step harder to take knowing it was leading her further away from Paige. She pulled out the bunched up ticket from her jacket pocket and handed it to the bus driver who punched it unceremoniously, grimacing at how crumpled it was. Thankfully the bus wasn't very full, giving her a wide range of seats to chose from, all the while hoping she wouldn't end up having to share with anyone. The bus smelled musty and old, which made her scrunch up her nose as she tried not to make eye contact with the rest of the passengers.

She chose a seat towards the back on the right side, and slumped in next to the window as she set her bag down next to her on her left. _I can't believe this is happening. I'm losing her all over again. I'm losing the only person I've ever really loved._ Alex stared out the window while she waited for the bus to take off, a light mist starting to bleed against the glass. _How could she? She said she'd help me, promised to be there for me, and she just threw me out. Ok, I screwed up, but she acted like she couldn't even understand where I was coming from. I thought she was supposed to be my friend, and yet she just turned her back on me like I didn't mean anything to her. I thought...I thought she loved me._

A single tear spilled down Alex's cheek as the bus roared to life, pulling out from the terminal and heading down the street towards her new life where she would have to try and start all over. Feeling more alone than she could ever remember, Alex begins to sing quietly and bitterly into the oncoming night.

"You'll never see the courage I know  
Its colors' richness won't appear within your view  
I'll never glow the way that you glow  
Your presence dominates the judgements made on you

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lightsThe shades and shadows undulate in my perception  
My feelings swell and stretch

I see from greater heights  
I understand what I am still too _proud_ to mention

To you

You'll say you understand, but you don't understand  
You'll say you'd never give up seeing eye to eye  
But never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie

You'll never touch these things that I hold  
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own  
You'll never feel the heat of this soul  
My fever burns me deeper than I've ever shown

To you

You'll say, 'Don't fear your dreams, it's easier than it seems'  
You'll say you'd never let me fall from hopes so high  
But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie

You'll never live the life that I live  
I'll never live the life that wakes me in the night  
You'll never hear the message I give  
You'll say it looks as though I might give up this fight

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights  
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception  
My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights  
I realize what I am now too _smart_ to mention

To you

You'll say you understand, you'll never understand  
I'll say I'll never wake up knowing how or why  
I don't know what to believe in, you don't know who I am  
You'll say I need appeasing when I start to cry  
But never is a promise and I'll never need a lie"

The rain was coming down in sheets now, completely blurring the windows and creating a chill on the bus. Alex shivered in sadness and exhaustion, not fully noticing the drop in temperature. She was all consumed with her pain, thoughts of her last moments with Paige replaying in her mind over and over again, always hoping it would have a different outcome, always ending the same. Headlights of the passing cars streamed through the night like liquid colors flying past the bus. So many people, and yet Alex felt so alone. _Ajax will be where I live, but it won't be my home. Not if she's not there. I guess this is just the way it has to be. My heart is gone._

She pressed her forehead against the cool glass. She wasn't sure if it was the rain, or her own tears that blurred her vision more. Ajax was coming up, and neither Alex or the city knew what to expect.

**Song used in this scene**:

Never is a Promise written and recorded by Fiona Apple


	3. Act I Scene 2

**Act I**

**Scene 2**

(2 weeks have passed)

The sun was coming up slowly on the apartment shared by Paige, Marco, Ellie, and now Griffin. All was quiet, but being a weekday it was just a matter of minutes before it erupted in noise and mayhem, known as the song and dance of getting ready in the morning.

"Ellie, what did you do with the shirt you stole from me last week?" Marco asked as he rushed down the hall while wearing little more than his designer jeans.

"You mean the shirt you _loaned_ me last week?" she replied in more of an irritated statement rather than a question while rolling her eyes as she pulled on her favorite pair of comfortable sneakers.

Marco appeared in her doorway with a huff, "Whatever. What did you do with it?" he sounded breathless as he impatiently awaited her answer.

She glanced up at him from her sitting position on the bed, then back to her laces. "I told you this last week, I stuck it in your laundry. What you did with it from there is out of my hands."

"Great, I haven't had a chance to do my laundry yet!" Once again Ellie briefly looked at him, and noticed the stressed look on his face. "Maybe Griffin has something I could borrow" he murmured as he headed back down the hall.

"You have a lot of clothes, Marco. Why don't you try your closet!" But he was already gone, leaving Ellie just shaking her head.

Downstairs in the kitchen Paige stood over the coffee maker, and filled it to its full capacity since there were now four heavy java drinkers in the house. She went to the cupboard to grab a new mug in preparation of the liquid gold that would soon be brewing in all its glory. Without realizing it she pulled out the mug Alex always used, her grumpy face hidden partially by vicious bed-head hair as she'd shuffle over to the coffee pot with it in her hand. Paige smiled to herself at the image that played in her mind, but it was quickly replaced by sorrow that her ex would not be stumbling down the stairs at any moment grumbling about how noisy everyone always is in the morning.

"Still haven't heard from her?" Marco quietly asked as he entered the kitchen buttoning up the shirt he borrowed from Griffin, while trying not to startle his friend with his sudden appearance in the room.

The blonde looked quickly up from the mug in her hand, placed it back in the cupboard and grabbed another. "No, but I guess I'm not all that surprised given how our last day went" she drearly said having been caught yet again mourning her past relationship.

Marco nodded in silence knowing that even though Alex had been getting on his nerves while she was crashing at the apartment, he was still missing her too. "And her mom doesn't have any contact information?" He hated to press it, but he also knew that Paige had been worried about the girl since she had left for Ajax.

"If she does, she's not telling me." She looked over at a surprised Marco. "Yes, I've asked her for Alex's number, don't look so shocked. I just want to know if she's ok."

He knew that wasn't the only reason she wanted to talk to Alex. She missed her, and whether she wanted to admit it or not, she regretted having told her to move out, and he regretted pushing her into it.

* * *

The coolness of the evening air rushed through the open windows of the apartment bringing about a welcome sweet scent of night blooming jasmine with it. Paige sat peacefully at the dinner table going through the lists Andrea had given her early in the day to look over and make sure she was prepared for. Suddenly the front door slammed causing her to jump as a very angry Marco burst through her quiet.

"I have just had the worst day!" he practically yelled as he slammed his books onto the table. "People can be so, ugh! Maddening!"

A still startled Paige asked, "What's the matter, hun, the shirt didn't go off quite as well as you'd hoped?"

Marco whipped around from his place at the open frig, his search for comforting junk food interrupted. "I'm being serious, Paige. Just because your world revolves around clothes now doesn't mean the rest of us don't have real problems." He regretted it as soon as it came out, "Paige, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

She cut him off, "Its ok, you're obviously really upset right now so I'll let that one slide. What happened? For real?"

He proceeded to tell her about a rally that was being held at one of the parks in the city by an anti-gay group attempting to gain support to try and persuade Prime Minister Harper to call for another vote in Parliament to revisit the legalization of gay marriage.

"But hun, he already tried that the first year he was in. Parliament shot him down." She tried to sound as reassuring as possible even though the news of this shook her as well.

"But what's to say he wouldn't try it again?" Marco threw his arms up in exasperation as he paced the room.

Suddenly the front door slammed once again, and in stormed Ellie in a fit of rage. "Is anyone home?" she yelled into the house.

"We're in here!" Paige and Marco yelled in unison.

"Thank god, I've got to talk to someone. I just had the worst day!" she uttered as she threw her books on top of Marco's.

After setting up the story of how she had gone on an interview to talk with the Dean of the university regarding his plans for the future of the school, she explained how he seemed less concerned about the students and more about how the school could raise money and thus his salary.

"He didn't actually say that, did he?" Marco inquired as he sat down at the table with a pint of ice cream he found hidden in the back of the freezer.

"No of course not, but I could see it in his eyes and how he kept trying to change the subject every time I asked him a pointed question about future student projects, and the future of the current ones. Ugh, he was so slimy I feel like I need to take a shower!" She stopped pacing back and forth just long enough to seemingly shake herself off as though some of his ickiness had rubbed off onto her.

"Sounds like we both had an equally bad day," Marco mumbled with a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth.

He continued on to tell Ellie about what had happened to him earlier that day, the disgust showing on her face while Paige handed over a third spoon to the other girl.

"What is with people today?!" Ellie said in disgust just as the front door slammed shut for the third time that evening.

Griffin came stomping into the kitchen and threw his books on top of the rest of the growing pile. "People suck!"

The rest of the group looked up at him, spoons hanging out of their mouths. Without saying a word, Marco stood up and grabbed another spoon from the drawer and handed it to his roommate who gladly took it while filling them in on his day.

"And the guy just threw out all of our blueprints saying they weren't good enough, but didn't tell us why or what we could change" he muttered in between bites. "As engineering students, how are we supposed to learn from our mistakes if no one tells us what they are?!"

"People do suck" Ellie said nodding her head, while Marco also nodded in agreement. They filled Griffin in on how their awful days went, each story making him even more disgusted with the day.

Marco stood up, threw his spoon into the sink, and turned back around to his friends and began to sing.

"A Public Service Announcement followed me home the other day  
I paid it never mind - go away!  
Shit's so thick you could stir it with a stick  
Free Teflon-whitewashed presidency  
We're sick of being jerked around  
Wear that on your sleeve

Broadcast me a joyful noise unto the times, lord  
Count your blessings  
We're sick of being jerked around  
We all fall down"

At this, Ellie also stood up and continued on with the song.

"Have you ever seen the televised  
St. Vitus subcommittee prize investigation dance?  
Those-ants-in-pants glances  
Well, look behind the eyes  
It's a hallowed, hollow anesthetized  
'Save my own ass, screw these guys'  
Smoke and mirror lock down

Broadcast me a joyful noise unto the times, lord  
Count your blessings  
The papers wouldn't lie!  
I sigh

Not one more"

The two friends turn to each other and join in together.

"Its been a bad day  
Please don't take a picture  
It's been a bad day  
Please!"

Griffin rises up from his seat to follow suit.

"We're dug in the deep the price is steep  
The auctioneer is such a creep!  
The lights went out, the oil ran dry  
We blamed it on the other guy  
Sure, all men are created equal  
Here's the church, here's the steeple  
Please stay tuned, we cut to sequel  
Ashes, ashes, we all fall down  
Broadcast me a joyful noise unto the times, lord

Count your blessings  
Embrace the lowest fear - ignore the lower fears  
Ugh, this means war"

The three join in to sing their rallying song.

"Its been a bad day  
Please don't take a picture  
It's been a bad day  
Please!

Broadcast me a joyful noise unto the times, lord  
Count your blessings  
We're sick of being jerked around!  
We all fall down

Its been a bad day..."

Exasperated they all decide to go out for dinner to cool themselves down, and treat themselves to a much needed and deserved cheer-me-up.

**Song used in this scene**:

Bad Day recorded by R.E.M. written by Mike Mills, Bill Berry, Peter Buck, and Michael Stipe


	4. Act I Scene 3

**Act I **

**Scene 3**

Each day seemed to blur together for Paige since Alex left. She'd get up in the morning, go to work, come home, go to bed. The only time she was truly able to get her mind off of her ex was when she was at work. From the second she would arrive at the Dabenshire building, she would be running around like a maniac, doing errands for Andrea as well as keeping her as happy as possible. Though she wasn't crazy about her position, it was a means to an end. She was determined to work her way up in the fashion industry, and if that meant dealing with Andrea, then she would fetch as many soy lattes at precisely 90 degrees that her demanding heart desired. Paige also realized that there was another urgency in becoming an over achieving PDA - every moment she spent stressing at work meant less time she had to stress about Alex.

Paige's heart broke a little bit more each day that Alex was gone. She had missed her terribly when she was at Banting, and it felt so good to get back together with her when she moved back to Toronto. This time Alex was gone, and not because she was going off to university, but because Paige had been a bad friend. She hadn't given her girlfriend the benefit of the doubt, she hadn't understood and given her time, she hadn't been there for her like she said she would be. Paige continually punished herself, always thinking of how she could have handled it differently, but knowing that in the end all her thinking wouldn't change anything. She had kicked her girlfriend out, broke her heart, and acted as if she didn't care if she even had a place to go. Just thinking about it made Paige sick to her stomach each time it replayed in her mind.

"Where you gonna go?" she had asked Alex as she stood just inside the door. She hadn't even thought of where she would end up when she packed up Alex's things, haphazardly throwing them all in the oversized blue bag the ebony haired girl had "moved in" with. Thinking back on it now she realized that she hadn't even considered the fact that throwing her out of the house could've meant Alex having to return to her mom's or possibly even the women's shelter. She just hadn't thought, that was the problem. She just tossed her out.

"Paige."

_I'm an awful friend. She was there for me when I was freaking out about Banting, and how do I repay her? I throw her out before I even find out if she has a safe place to go._

"Paige."

_What was I thinking? Oh that's right, I wasn't!_

"Earth to Paige, come in Paige!"

She finally looked up from the stack of papers she had been rustling through to find her co-worker Sean standing over her trying to get her attention. "Oh, Sean, hi I'm sorry I was...preoccupied" she mumbled as she looked back down to the lists Andrea had given her earlier.

"So I see" he smiled down at her not at all bothered by the distanced look on her face. He had been there once himself, and knew full well that this job could frazzle even the sturdiest of people. "I won't keep you, I just wanted to let you know that Andrea is on a war path and has been trying to track you down for about ten minutes now." Horrified Paige grabbed her cell phone out of its holder wondering why her boss hadn't just called her only to find that the battery had died.

"Oh god, she's gonna kill me!" She shoved her cell back into its place, gathered up the papers in front of her and stood up to search out her irritated boss. She began to walk in one direction but remembered she didn't know where Andrea was.

Seeing her stressed stance, Sean calmly said "She said she'd be in the west conference room and that you should bring her..."

"A soy latte?" she continued his sentence.

"You got it" he replied with a gentle smile. "Just a bit of advice...?" Paige paused long enough to listen to him finish. "Hand her the latte and pretend like that's why you've been missing. Don't say anything, just hand it to her. She hates excuses."

"Got it." Starting to walk off, she stoped and flashed him a quick smile. "Thanks Sean."

"Anytime!" He yelled after her as she took off down the hall in a blaze of blond hair, designer clothes, and the sweet smell of soft perfume.

* * *

After a long and brutal day at work, Paige wanted nothing more than to head home to a relaxing hot shower. Instead she walked into the house to the sound of loud voices who weren't quite fighting, but yet having a very impassioned discussion.

"I'm just saying she didn't have any idea what she was talking about, that's all." Marco's voice rang clearly through the hall, with an irritated tone.

"And I'm just saying you weren't even giving her a chance!" Griffin lashed back in retaliation.

For a moment, Paige considered walking right back out of the house only to be caught by Ellie walking into the living room. "Thank god you're home, maybe you can play referee now" she said in exasperation as she walked past Paige and towards the door.

"What's going on?" she asked her roommate tentatively not really wanting to be dragged into this after such an exhausting day.

"Marco isn't crazy about Griffin's new girlfriend, or what he would call his romantic interest since they aren't boyfriend/girlfriend "just yet" even though they've hung out just about everyday this week." Clearly Ellie had been listening to this for a long time judging by the frazzled look on her face, and though Paige really didn't want to be dragged into it, she knew she didn't have a choice as she watched the other two roommates walk into the living room.

"Paige! The perfect person to weigh in on this." Griffin grinned as he spotted the blond.

She breathed out heavily at having been caught. "Could you at least give me a chance to put my stuff down before I get yanked into this?" she asked as she noticed Ellie sneak out the front door. _Lucky girl_, she thought to herself.

Paige walked into the kitchen which would often turn into where she'd go over paperwork and other work related items in the evening when the other three were doing homework. For a few moments she had a bit of solace, and she dreaded having to go back out into the living room. All day long at work there was constant yelling, constant running around, constant phone calls, constant headaches, constant chaos. Now she's home for the night and she's facing unrest with her roommates, it just seemed unfair.

"Paige, are you coming?" Marco yelled from the other room.

Sighing, she reluctantly dragged herself back into the mess and sat down next to Griffin on the couch. Immediately he turned to her and asked, "You've dated both guys and girls, or at least Alex," he paused for a second as Paige winced which went unnoticed by Griffin but immediately picked up by Marco, "so you've had to deal with people criticizing who you're dating."

"Is this going somewhere?" she asked open ended with slight irritation.

"Do you think it's fair for people to judge who you find interesting, not only before they really get to know the person, but before they get the whole story? I mean, take Alex." Again she winced. "I didn't go to Degrassi, but from what I've heard, she wasn't exactly what you would call a "popular" person. That must've made things difficult for the two of you, at least in the beginning." He looked expectantly at her, still not noticing how she seemed to be deflating before his eyes with each mention of her ex girlfriend's name.

She glanced at Marco who was watching her closely before turning back to Griffin. "It's true that Alex had more foes than fans when we were dating the first time, and my friends did think I was crazy, but then her friends didn't understand why she was interested in me either. We seemed like complete opposites, not to mention the confusion our relationship with someone of the same gender created." He nodded in both agreement as well as wanting her to go on. "We found ourselves, not only explaining our sudden interest in the other person, but also having to defend each other."

"So what you're saying is that you agree with me that Marco is being an ass by judging my girlfriend..."

"Ha! You admitted she is your girlfriend!" Marco cheered in triumph while disregarding the name he had been called.

"Gentlemen, please!" Paige spoke up above the voices that were threatening to raise once again. "I'm saying, Marco, lay off of Griffin. And Griffin, don't call Marco something that you could be called yourself for your past judgement of his relationship with Dylan." Their mouths opened and closed but before either could interject, she continued. "Now that I've solved your problem, I'm going up to my room to relax.

As she made her way to the stairs, Marco jumped out of his seat and caught up with her. "Hey, are you ok?"

"Yeah, sure I'm great" she said with false cheer.

He could tell she wasn't great, but at the same time he could see that she needed some time to herself. "Ok, well if you need to talk..."

"I know where you live." She smiled weakly and she turned to climb the stairs to her room.

She walked quietly in, almost as if she was trying to make sure not to wake someone inside. Knowing the person she wished was there wasn't, she sadly she closed the door as she could hear the argument continuing on without her down below. Her room felt like such a warm sanctuary, bringing about a much needed calm. She crossed over to her closet, pulling off her work clothes as she glanced at her closet. Without realizing it she pulled on the t-shirt Alex last borrowed to sleep in, and for a moment she could almost smell her in the room with her. Stinging sadness grabbed and clutched at her heart as she put on a comfortable pair of pajama pants.

Paige curled up on her bed feeling completely exhausted from everything that had gone on in the day, but found that the last few minutes of having to talk about her relationship with Alex to be the most trying. She missed her more than she realized she would, and each day regretted more and more sending her away. She wanted so much to see Alex walk through the front door once again, or at least call her and let her know she was ok. Though she really wanted her to come home, Paige also truly hoped that whatever Alex was doing, that she was happy.

The blond looked over at her night stand and caught herself staring at the music box next to the lamp. Slowly she reached over and gently opened it, which created a soft tune to escape. Pulling out her favorite picture of Alex that she had stored inside, an image of the ebony haired girl sleeping securely in Paige's bed, she begins to sing.

"You could be happy, and I won't know  
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wish I had not said  
Are played in loops till its madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were?  
But not our last days of silent, screaming blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure  
I should've stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy I hope you are  
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own, smells of you  
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to  
Without me there to hold you back, don't think just do

More than anything I want to see you girl  
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world"

Tears slowly dripped down onto her pillow creating a salty pool of sorrow. Sleep finally created the quiet in her mind that Paige had wished for all day, and she drifted into a dreamless yet peaceful and much needed nap.

**Song used in this scene**:

You Could Be Happy recorded by Snow Patrol, lyrics by Gary Lightbody, music by Gary Lightbody, Nathan Connoly, Tom Simpson, Jonny Quinn, Paul Wilson


	5. Act I Scene 4

***Quick Author's Note* My apologies for taking so long to get back to this. I've been writing it in my head for quite a while, it was just a matter of being good and sitting down and committing to it.**

Time seemed to pass slowly in Ajax. The sun would come up, the sun would go down. Months had gone by since Alex had moved to this small city. It was nothing compared to Toronto. Several times smaller, there seemed less to do, less to fill up the lonely evenings she spent at home. Every morning she would wake up exhausted from a night full of troubling nightmares, her mind tormented her by repeating that final day with Paige. Sometimes the nightmares followed the same path as the actual day. Sometimes things would be better, sometimes they'd be worse. Dark circles under her eyes started to become part of her usual wardrobe, along with the occasional mismatched socks.

With a loan from her aunt, she bought a used motorcycle to get back and forth from home and work. It became her only friend. The only time she felt at home was when she was riding around the city, or sitting by Lake Ontario just breathing in the cool air and thinking about how it might be connecting her to Paige. She loved the feeling of the wind on her body, but she always wore a full cover helmet. Favorite moments for her involved jumping off her bike and pulling her helmet off much to the surprise of anyone around her that she was female. That feeling of androgyny was intoxicating. Though the bike wasn't especially flashy, Alex kept it in perfect condition, always keeping it spotless and polishing the chrome.

Her aunt had a guest room fully furnished above the garage, so thankfully it was a lot like having her own place. She could come and go at all hours and never have to worry about bothering anyone. The room was bare of decorations or "homey" touches by Alex, she never really felt like this was going to be her home for very long. The only place she had anything that looked like she lived there was a couple of framed pictures sitting on her dresser. One was of her mom, the other was Paige. She went back and forth trying to decide whether she wanted to keep it out, and nearly on a daily basis she would slip it into the top drawer and out of site. It always depended on how the nightmares went, but whether the picture was in the drawer or on the dresser, it always seemed to have a strong hold on Alex. No matter what she was doing in her room, she could feel the constant and unforgiving pull from it. It was attached to her like a chain connected to her heart.

Jumping from job to job, Alex never felt like she fit in. She tried a movie theater, a waitressing job, a clothing store. Finally she made her way into a store not unlike Hot Topic. The manager was laid back, so were the assistant managers, and finally she felt as though she had found a job that she didn't have to dread on a daily basis. It was by accident that she found it, she just went in to find a new wallet. While making her way through to the accessories she overheard a male voice talking exuberantly about the job posting. Alex looked around the place, checked out the rest of the staff, and decided she would track down the source of the voice and ask about the job. The manager gave her an interview on the spot, and immediately offered her the position and telling her she was the best he had seen since the posting first went up over a week ago.

There were five other people who also worked at the store, three guys and two girls who all appeared to be in the relative age of twenty-something. One of the guys, Matthew, she realized right away was also gay. He wasn't shy about it at all which Alex wasn't sure how to take at first. The only other gay person she really knew was Marco, and though he wasn't ashamed of being gay, he wasn't as "obvious" as Matthew. He was around 19, she guessed, with golden blonde hair that sat unruly on his head and suggested he ran his fingers through it a lot. Maybe out of nerves, or perhaps to entice the guys she surmised. Matthew wore baggy tan cargo pants with a plain soft pink t-shirt half tucked in with the back sticking out. He seemed very High School Musical to Alex, and just as sweet. He eagerly led her around the store acting as her personal tour guide showing her where everything was, introducing her to the other staff, and inviting her to lunch with him later in the day.

The last person they came to looked to be in her early 20's, with light brown mid-length hair highlighted with streams of blue which she had pulled back in a sloppy ponytail. She was wearing a worn t-shirt that read "Shut the shell up" with a turtle grimacing on the front, and she appeared to have an attitude to match. Her head was down and she was grossly involved with her magazine when Matthew breezed by with Alex.

"And finally, we have Brooklyn in all her glory. Brooklyn, say hello to our newest team member, Alex!" he was so genuinely enthusiastic, it was hard for Alex not to like him.

Not looking up from her magazine, Brooklyn mumbled a "hello" and a slight head nod.

"Okay, I guess we'll get back to you later then when you're not so 'busy'" he said disappointed as he steered Alex back to the manager's office where she could get her up-coming schedule.

"What is with you?!" he exclaimed while tapping the counter in front of Brooklyn to get her attention. "We have a new hottie working here, I would think you'd be overjoyed!"

With her chin on her hand and not bothering to look up, she mumbled, "I told you, I don't want to date someone I work with. It usually ends up coming back to bite me in the ass. Besides, I doubt she's a lesbian."

"Well if you'd stop lovin' 'em and leavin' 'em you probably wouldn't have that problem, and oh yes - she is definitely a woman's woman."

"What makes you think so, she tell you? Oh wait, I forgot, you are the guru when it comes to spotting "family" members. You've got your gaydar so finely tuned you can feel them coming several miles away" she said dryly.

In a bit of a huff, he returned "Fine, be that way, but mark my words... When you finally decide to pull your head up out of that, 'f-off attitude', you won't know what hit you."

"Yeah, yeah" she replied waving him away. He turned on his heel and walked back to catch Alex just as she was walking back into the main part of the store.

She had found out that much to her relief there were no set dress codes, or uniforms that she would have to wear. As long as it wasn't offensive she could wear just about anything she wanted. Much to Matthew's disappointment, Alex announced that her first official day wasn't going to start until the next day and that her trainer was going to be Danny, one of the assistant managers, instead of him.

"Well my offer still stands for lunch, be it tomorrow or whenever." He had a very sing-song way of talking that made Alex smile.

"Thanks, I appreciate it. Tomorrow then."

"Tomorrow!" He happily waved as she walked out of the store. She could hear him breaking into song as the door started to swing closed. "Tomorrow, tomorrow - I love ya, tomorrow! You're always a day away!"

That evening passed by as every other did for Alex. She ate dinner, watched tv, got ready for bed, looked at the picture of Paige. It was her favorite of the blonde. She had a serene look in her eyes as she lazily gazed out of the picture with a soft smile. The green of her top accentuated the hues in her eyes with matching brilliance. Many nights she would stare at the picture wondering, even hoping, that Paige felt as bad as she did and missed her maybe a little bit more. Tonight, however, with the dawning of her new job the next day, Alex felt in her a change, a new beginning. And the more she stared at this picture, the more she was beginning to hate it. Those eyes, those damn eyes. They seemed to follow Alex everywhere she went, mocking her in a way to say "I don't need you anymore, I've moved on."

From her spot on the couch, she got up and angrily slammed the picture face down on top of the dresser. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes, and she was tired of it. Tired of missing her, tired of feeling bad, tired of being tired. She'd had enough. Putting the picture back upright, she yelled at it, "I don't care if you do feel bad, if you are sorry, if you do miss me! I can't take this anymore!"

Deep down in her sorrow, and now in her relief, Alex began to sing her new found proclamation.

I find it hard to shed a tear

Brought it on yourself my dear

And wrong, yes I may be

Don't leave a light on for me

Cause I ain't comin' home

It hurts me, baby, to be alone

Yes, it hurts me baby

A hundred years will never ease

Hearing things I won't believe

I saw it with my own two eyes

All the pain I can't hide

And this pain starts in my heart

And this love tears us apart

Won't find me bent down on my knees

Ain't bendin' over backwards, baby

Not to please

'Cause I'm seeing things for the first time

I'm seeing things for the first time, oh yeah

I'm seeing things for the first time

In my life, in my life

And I used to dream

Of better days that never came

And sorry ain't nothin' to me

I'm gone and that's the way it must be

So please, I've done my time

Lovin' you is such a crime

You won't find me down on, on my knees

Oh no, no, no

Won't find me over backwards, baby

Just to please

'Cause I'm seeing things for the first time

I'm seeing things for the first time

Seeing things for the first time

Oh I'm seeing things for the first time

Yeah, seeing things for the first time

I'm seeing things for the first time

Yeah, I'm seeing things for the first time

In my life, in my life

Oh yeah

**Song used in this scene**:

Seeing Things, recorded by The Black Crowes, written by Chris Robinson and Rich Robinson.


End file.
